


your tears break my heart, love

by Alice_Prongs



Series: Jilytober 2018 [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Day 5 - walked in on crying, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, and is trying to be a better person, james pines over lily, just cute jily for jilytober, sixth year, tumblr jilytober prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 21:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16205867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_Prongs/pseuds/Alice_Prongs
Summary: The evening James Potter finds Lily Evans crying alone in the Common Room, he knows he has to do something. So, he does. It might all end up backfiring, but he knows he has to do it. Whatever may happen.





	your tears break my heart, love

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! So, I'm back with another jilytober submission. This is an answer to tumblr's jilytober prompt for day 5: walked in on crying.
> 
> I'm currently running on no sleep, trying to upload this before day 5 is over, so I'm sorry if there are any errors in the middle of it. I haven't revised it yet, but I'll do it tomorrow as soon as I can and as soon as the words stop blurring themselves in front of me.  
> This was a burst of inspiration I had and I have no idea how it turned out so... I hope you guys like it!
> 
> EDIT: Updated with revision on October 6th.

James has been watching Lily from afar for months now. Ever since their fight at the last day of OWLs, he’s felt like that’s the only place he can occupy around her. He needs to stay away after what he did, after how stupid he was. He's trying to grow up now that they’re in Sixth Year, and behave like less of an “arrogant, bullying toerag”. He had spent his entire summer vacation martyrizing himself over what he had done that day by the lake and listening to his mother rant about how stupid he had been, while also thinking about Lily Evans and how the hate in her voice didn’t match her lively personality and bubbly laugh and how it wasn't something he ever wanted to hear again.

Of course, he's finally realized how he feels about Lily Evans, and he’s ruined everything.

He's been trying, though, to be better. Sirius thinks he’s being stupid, that there’s nothing wrong with him, but he knows there is. Peter doesn’t really express an opinion about it, but Remus is glad that he’s doing it, and he feels like that’s approval enough. Besides, his parents had told him to stop being a spoiled brat and acknowledge his mistakes and he believes in their judgement much more than in Sirius’s.

So, James is trying, but he’s kept his distance from her ever since she had glared at him at King’s Cross when they were boarding the train on their first day. She hasn’t spoken to him either, and he’s tried not to let that sting – he’s messed up and he needs to make up for it.

Even then, he can’t stop looking at her every time she’s near him. He also tries to be discreet about it, but he’s pretty sure he’s failing miserably at it. Marlene has laughed at him more than once during breakfast and it makes him want to hide in a hole. Lily doesn’t seem to have noticed, though, which is a small mercy.

Tonight, James finds himself unable to sleep. He doesn't want to think that it's because he can't stop thinking about _her_ , but it is. He gives up on the tossing and turning he's been doing and gets up. Lily Evans would ruin him one day. He doesn't know how to act around her anymore, which is why as he comes down the stairs of his dorm and finds her huddled in a couch in front of the fire, he almost runs back up.

Until he notices her shoulders heaving, and hears the tiny little sobs that echo in the silence, and realizes he couldn’t ever do that when it came to her.

He takes the last few steps into the Common Room, silently. He doesn’t know if he should or shouldn’t alert her to his presence. He can envision her getting angry over him lurking around her, but he finds he doesn’t care. It's Lily, after all, and he can’t stand the sight of her crying. So, he clears his throat as he approaches the couch, and she whirls around.

By the light of the fire, Lily is beautiful, even with her eyes puffy, her cheeks red and tear streaks marking her face. His heart skips a beat. She looks devastated and he has absolutely no idea what he’s supposed to do to help.

“Hey,” he croaks out, stupidly. He wants to take it back as soon as it leaves his mouth. She frowns at him.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, lifting her chin as if she’s trying to keep up some pretence. As if he can’t see her face or hear the tremor in her voice.

“Couldn't sleep,” he tells her, taking one more small step in her direction.

She huffs, turning back to the fire, but doesn't send him away. He interprets it as a good sign, and takes his last tentative steps towards the couch before plopping himself next to her.

She tenses up immediately. He regrets doing it at the same time, but doesn't stand back up. He'd just look stupid if he did. He glances at her from the corner of his eye.

“You okay?” he whispers, not sure if he should.

Lily gives him a short nod, but she bites her lower lip hard and he can see the tears welling up in her eyes again. It hurts to see.

He hesitates, then figures out he's got nothing left to lose if she already hates him either way, and asks. “What happened?”

His voice sounds too loud in the quiet Common Room, but her only reaction is to lower her head. “I'm fine, Potter,” she grits out, but her voice is teary and gives her away.

He takes a deep breath and tells himself he can do this. He can face her, if it means he could maybe _help_ her.

“Look, you don't have to tell me. Especially considering I'm not your favourite person in the world. But if you want to, I'll listen,” he says, without giving himself time to reconsider. She turns to look at him, frowning again, but this time she seems to be pondering something – pondering about him, at least.

He throws her a crooked smile. “Remus always says I'm a good listener, and mum's especially proud of that feature of mine.”

She blinks, and he fears he's ruined everything again. Suddenly, she throws her closed fist in his direction and he's sure she's about to punch him only to find a crumpled ball of paper being dropped on his lap. He stares at it, then at her, but she's gone back to looking at the fire. He takes it in his hands.

The sound it makes as he uncrumples it echoes again. Lily doesn't move.

He lowers his eyes to the paper and finds a letter, addressed to her. It doesn't seem to be written in ink, which is odd, but as he reads it, it's the last thing in his mind.

Because he's reading the words of Lily Evans's sister, who's also apparently the worst person in the world. His brain understands what's written, but he can't actually comprehend the phrases _you're a freak_ and _I hate you_ and _stay away from me_. He reads and he can't believe in what this person is saying about Lily Evans, who is literally the most brilliant person he's ever known, an almost ray of sunshine on his days, who couldn't be more wonderful if she tried.

This person, that shares Lily's blood, is making her cry in the middle of the night.

He starts seeing red and he's sure that if he could – if they weren't stranded in a magical school in the middle of nowhere, if he wasn't under age, if it wasn't illegal, or if Lily wouldn’t be even more upset with him – he'd go up to this Petunia right now and make her regret every single thing she’s written in this letter, or in others, or that she’s ever said to Lily. As he finishes reading it, he's gaping at the absurdity of it all.

He turns to Lily and he's never seen her look so small. She’s hunched over, her hands shoved under her thighs and it’s like she’s retreated into a little cocoon.

And it’s completely ridiculous.

“This is bullshit,” he tells her and she looks at him with wide eyes.

“What?” she asks, voice low, and he snorts.

“You’re upset over this?” he asks in disbelief, and she’s the one gaping then. “This is completely ridiculous, Evans, and you shouldn’t even give it any thought.”

“That’s my sister talking, Potter,” she says, as if he’s an idiot. He rolls his eyes.

“So? I may be an only child, but I’m pretty sure any person that treats you like this doesn’t deserve the time of day.”

“It’s not that simple,” she insists and he turns his body fully to her. She startles, drawing back a little, but he doesn’t care. He needs her to understand this.

“Look, Evans, I know you hate me, but just…” he sighs. “You’re an amazing person, okay? If your sister can’t see that, she’s an idiot. And obviously jealous, as she will never compare to you.”

She stares at him for a few seconds, still gaping. “Why are you saying all of that?”

“Because it’s true,” he says, shrugging.

She tilts her head and then throws herself back into the couch cushions, looking up. He starts feeling uncomfortable. Maybe he’s said too much. “My own sister hates me, Potter. She thinks I’m a freak. What does that say about me?”

“That you’ve got a crap sister,” he answers immediately and she huffs out a laugh. She turns her face to look at him. He feels his cheeks heat up. It’s kind of stupid.

“Thanks, but still,” she says with intent and he’s ready to shut down whatever shit argument she comes up with until she says, “my best friend used to be Severus Snape.”

He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to answer that, but she doesn’t give him time to do it either way.

“My former best friend called me a mudblood and is probably going to end up becoming a Death Eater,” she continues, looking away from him again. “What does it say about me that the two people I loved the most think I’m such awful things? Or that they’re both awful people?”

“It means you’re way too good for them,” the words leave his mouth before he can think better about it. Her eyes turn to him and he’s swallowed by the green of them. He gulps. Well, if he’s started it, he might as well finish it.

He clears his throat, looking away.

“You’re probably too good for anyone in the whole world, okay? So, don’t beat yourself up over it,” he mumbles.

She stares, again, and he’s definitely blushing now. She raises her head, and turns her body completely to his just like he had done before.

“I don’t hate you, you know,” she says, and it’s the last thing he had expected to hear from her at that moment. He almost chokes. She gives him a tiny smile. “You were just an idiot a lot of the time, which made me scream a lot of the time, but I never hated you.”

“Thanks?”

She snorts. “Besides, you’re better now. The James Potter I knew last year would never listen to me like you did tonight,” she says, her own cheeks turning a little red.

It’s infuriatingly endearing.

“Well, the James from last year owes you an apology.”

She looks up at him with wide eyes again.

“I was a jerk, you’re right. And you were also right about the arrogant, bullying toerag thing.” He ducks his head, ashamed. “And I’m trying to be better, at least, but I’m not sure I made it yet.”

She leans closer to him and touches his knee with her hand. The minimal touch warms his entire body and he freezes up. She gives him another tiny smile. “You’re better, Potter.”

“Thanks,” he says, this time with more certainty, but still just as flustered. She leans back away, her hand leaving his knee.

She sits up. “Thank you as well,” she says. He shakes his head, dismissing it. “I mean it. You helped me a lot tonight, even if you didn’t need to.”

He doesn’t deserve it, though.

“Of course I needed to, Lily,” he whispers with maybe a little too much emotion in his voice.

She stares at him for a few more seconds before sending him one last smile and standing up.

“Good night, James,” she says, and he can’t help the smile that takes over his lips at hearing his first name coming out of her mouth.

“Good night, Lily,” he says back, and she gives him a little wave before turning around with her cheeks still red and rushing up the stairs.

James stays there for an indeterminate amount of time, trying to wrap his head around what had happened. He looks down, and the letter is on the floor, where he must have dropped it at some time. Without even having to think about it, he picks it up, throws it in the fire and makes his way back to his dorm as well.

 

The next morning, at breakfast, James almost can’t keep his eyes open from the lack of sleep, but the moment Lily Evans walks in and sends a shy smile his way he forgets all the sleepiness or hunger or whatever else he might be feeling.

He gives her a smile of his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated! Come cry with me over jily on [tumblr](https://notdeadjily.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
